Knit Your Face Off!!
Monster Mittens


Rawr! You can’t improve upon a classic. My signature monster mittens. To be honest, size wise I can actually only give you for a grown ass man because in college I was lucky enough to be the coxswain for the men’s rowing team. When you are the only girl on the men’s rowing team you become one part coach, one part little sister and about 8 parts mom.  I loved every second of it.  These were my boys. And they all had very very cold hands. So by the end of the season they all had their own personal monster mittens. 


Mitten body: Cast on 48 stitches and divide among 3 double pointed knitting needles (im not sure what size mine are but pretty small? Lets go with size 4). Knit rounds for about 5.5 inches to cover the wrist. Slide the next 15 stitches onto a stitch holder or some safety pins. Re-cast on those 15 stitches and continue rounds for about 5.5 more inches (you can measure the actual finger length). Start to decrease the stitches to form the mitten top. I still haven’t perfected this part but most patterns say to do the knit 2 together, slip one knit one pass slip stictch over knit approach. So with that in mind, divide the stiches so the thumb hole is centered in the front and there are 24 stiches in front and 24 in back. Work in rounds with the method above and knitting every other round regular. This will add maybe another inch to the mitten length. When you have about 12 stitches left use a sock graft to sew shut the top.

Thumb: Use the 15 stitches on the safety pins and pick up about 10 more from the edge of the thumb hole. Work in rounds until thumb height lets say 3 inches. Then knit 2 together for 2 rounds. Cut your yarn and thread it through the remaining 7 stitches. Pull tight. Sew in loose yarn.

Fun parts: Now you get to make the face! This monster is pretty classic so if you want to start with him here are his parts:

Teeth: Cast on 4 stitches. Knit a row, Purl a row, Knit a row. Then knit 2 together (3 stitches left) go to end of row, Purl 2 together (2 stitches left) go to end of row, knit 2 together. Cut your yarn thread it through the one remaining stitch and tie off. Make two of these for scary fangs!

Ears: Same idea here. Except use 5 stitches.

Fins: Again same idea except its a six stitch triangle, a 7 stitch one, and then another 6 stitch one all in a row down his back.

Tongue: Cast on 5 stitches. Knit/Purl stocknit stitch til you have an inch of tongue. Then knit 2 together and go to the end of the row, purl 2 together go to the end of the row, and cast off the remaining stitches.

Eyes and Nostril: These are just sewn in with a yarn needle. The eyes have 1 row that is 1 stitch wide at the top and bottom and the rest are 2 stitches wide.  Angry eyebrows are key here to properly demonstrate how ferocious your monster is.  Nostrils are just a cross stitch that is 1.5 stitches wide.

You can really get creative here and make any animal you want.

My Boys!

These are my boys!   From stern to bow:

Nate!  Was my partner in fattyness with the most lb’s to lose before weigh ins, so he got some bright pink piggies.  The curly tail was made by using a pipe cleaner around a chain stitch with a crochet needle.

Patrick!  Was the nicest guy on the rowing team.  Pat the bunny.  He got grey bunnies with floppy long ears.  Made the same way as a tongue but much longer and cuter.

Ricky!  Really had a thing for narwhals.  No one knows why.  So he has bright blue narmittens with a long long tusk on them.  Practicality was sacrificed for awesomeness.  I made a long cone and stuffed it with extra yarn to make them stick up.

Alex! Is the resident Austrailian.  So he got tan kangaroos.  An extra pocket on the wrist made them perfectly down under.

John! Bright like sunshine and always happy!  He got the yellow rubber duck mittens.  Just switch to orange for the fingers to make an appropriate beak.

Chrisharris!  Weirdest kid I know and love.  He got the original tye-dyed monster (see his tumblr In The Junk Drawer) and a matching hat with lightening bolt.

Avi! Skinny little gangsta kid from Chicago and Alabama.  This might have been when I hit my mitten peak.  Avi.  Got Devin Hester on one hand and Ludicris on the other.  The Devin Hester mitten had blue on the wrist with the number 23 intarsia knit on it.  I then braided about 100 tiny braids and sewed them on for hair.  Ludicritten had a camo shirt on, and a platinum grill made of a chain stitch of silver yarn.  He also had knit sunglasses.  Because he shines like a star.  I should have retired right then.  I will never top those.

Mark!  Second nicest guy on the team.  Really has a thing for sea otters.  So in what might be the cutest thing I ever knit he had brown sea otters with bright blue eyes.

If you ever have children, may you be blessed with 8 tall 19 year old boys.

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    Learn how to make some monster mittens!
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